Week Two
At the beginning of the week my ‘New Pool Owners Pack’ arrived from the US! Fab – this means I am a New Pool Owner! Hard to believe when there’s just a revolting rubble wall and a flat space, but I am officially a New Pool Owner. Cracking pack of goodies – big scary manual, videos on installation, DVD on something or other, swatches of colours for covers and liners, lump of aluminium coping (make an excellent doorstop) and, best of all a pair of flip flops printed with ‘Some Assembly Required’ and a packet of popcorn. Excellent – these are My Kind Of People! Naturally I ignored all the techy stuff and (a) played with the flip flops, (b) investigated the popcorn. There was also a small disposable camera in the New Pool Owners Pack with a return padded envelope to the US. Having skipped reading the techy stuff, I presume I am meant to take pics of the pool being installed and send it back to the US. Either that or they want nice photos of me and the cats…..
On Wednesday Mike the Base arrived very early in the morning to mark up the beautifully flattened area for the pit – as the pool is going to be ‘partially inground’ a pit needs to be dug. Why don’t I make life easy for myself? If it was going to be wholly above ground, it would have been: Flat area, concrete on top, build pool. But oh no, I decide it would be nicer partially inground, so it’s Flat area, dig pit, dig drainage channel, build pit wall, make concrete base, back fill, top concrete base, build pool. WAY more difficult…. But it will be gorgeous…. (so I keep telling myself, over and over). So Mike the Base, George and Fish (so called because apparently he can’t swim) (nope – I don’t get it either) came to put yellow lines on the flat bit so that Darren the Digger could come back and dig. I went to work with an idiot grin on my face until well into the afternoon – lines on ground mean pool is happening! And it really did look exciting! By the evening it had rained and the lines had mostly disappeared….
When Planning Permission was granted it didn’t come with a nice ‘well done here’s your planning permission have a lovely build’ letter, but rather a stark ‘YOU HAVE NOT GOT BUILDING REGULATION APPROVAL DO NOT START WORK DO NOT PASS GO DO NOT COLLECT £200’ sort of notice pinned to it. Scary. Especially as I had ordered (a) a Pool and (b) a Shed. So I booked Friday afternoon off work as holiday specifically to go and talk to the Building Regs people. I had already phoned and yes, as my building is 30.87 sq m, Building Regs is needed – it is required for any building over 30 sq m. Only just over the limit - bummer. Went all the way to the offices (40 minutes up into the valleys) and spoke to a rather sad tired little man. I explained my building was 30.87 sq m. He sighed and said ‘can’t you make it any smaller?’ but I said I couldn’t as the shed was already ordered…. So he sighed again, went off to find the paperwork and eventually shuffled out to where I was sitting waiting (remarkably patiently due to the fact I was being thoroughly entertained by a kebab shop owner in breach of opening hours having a stand up shouting match with a planning official). We started filling out the copious form – Mrs Palter? Er, no, not quite, it's 'Potter'…. Good start. I asked if the measurements went on external or internal size of building. ‘Internal’ my little man said.
‘Excellent!’ said I, ‘that means I can take the wall area off’. ‘Let’s call that 2m’ said the little man happily, and screwed up all the paperwork. Result: Building regs NOT required, afternoon off total waste of time. Still – look on the bright side – no officials poking round telling me my electric cable is in the wrong place – much easier!
As there was still a lot of free afternoon left, I went for a haircut. Bad move. I was so busy thinking about Building Regs (or the lack of requirement of) that I forgot to say ‘please don’t cut too much off’ until Zoe was half way across my head and amazingly close to my scalp…. Result: seriously short haircut. Practically no hair at all in fact. Must stop being besotted by pool and Begin To Concentrate on Other Things. Later on Friday Guy gave me a beautiful bouquet of red roses. So what did I do? Leave them behind and rush off to do Pool Stuff. Poor Guy had to bring them round to my house and give them to me again. Must stop being besotted by pool and Begin To Concentrate On Other Things.
On Wednesday Mike the Base arrived very early in the morning to mark up the beautifully flattened area for the pit – as the pool is going to be ‘partially inground’ a pit needs to be dug. Why don’t I make life easy for myself? If it was going to be wholly above ground, it would have been: Flat area, concrete on top, build pool. But oh no, I decide it would be nicer partially inground, so it’s Flat area, dig pit, dig drainage channel, build pit wall, make concrete base, back fill, top concrete base, build pool. WAY more difficult…. But it will be gorgeous…. (so I keep telling myself, over and over). So Mike the Base, George and Fish (so called because apparently he can’t swim) (nope – I don’t get it either) came to put yellow lines on the flat bit so that Darren the Digger could come back and dig. I went to work with an idiot grin on my face until well into the afternoon – lines on ground mean pool is happening! And it really did look exciting! By the evening it had rained and the lines had mostly disappeared….
When Planning Permission was granted it didn’t come with a nice ‘well done here’s your planning permission have a lovely build’ letter, but rather a stark ‘YOU HAVE NOT GOT BUILDING REGULATION APPROVAL DO NOT START WORK DO NOT PASS GO DO NOT COLLECT £200’ sort of notice pinned to it. Scary. Especially as I had ordered (a) a Pool and (b) a Shed. So I booked Friday afternoon off work as holiday specifically to go and talk to the Building Regs people. I had already phoned and yes, as my building is 30.87 sq m, Building Regs is needed – it is required for any building over 30 sq m. Only just over the limit - bummer. Went all the way to the offices (40 minutes up into the valleys) and spoke to a rather sad tired little man. I explained my building was 30.87 sq m. He sighed and said ‘can’t you make it any smaller?’ but I said I couldn’t as the shed was already ordered…. So he sighed again, went off to find the paperwork and eventually shuffled out to where I was sitting waiting (remarkably patiently due to the fact I was being thoroughly entertained by a kebab shop owner in breach of opening hours having a stand up shouting match with a planning official). We started filling out the copious form – Mrs Palter? Er, no, not quite, it's 'Potter'…. Good start. I asked if the measurements went on external or internal size of building. ‘Internal’ my little man said.
‘Excellent!’ said I, ‘that means I can take the wall area off’. ‘Let’s call that 2m’ said the little man happily, and screwed up all the paperwork. Result: Building regs NOT required, afternoon off total waste of time. Still – look on the bright side – no officials poking round telling me my electric cable is in the wrong place – much easier!
As there was still a lot of free afternoon left, I went for a haircut. Bad move. I was so busy thinking about Building Regs (or the lack of requirement of) that I forgot to say ‘please don’t cut too much off’ until Zoe was half way across my head and amazingly close to my scalp…. Result: seriously short haircut. Practically no hair at all in fact. Must stop being besotted by pool and Begin To Concentrate on Other Things. Later on Friday Guy gave me a beautiful bouquet of red roses. So what did I do? Leave them behind and rush off to do Pool Stuff. Poor Guy had to bring them round to my house and give them to me again. Must stop being besotted by pool and Begin To Concentrate On Other Things.
On Saturday Darren the Digger came back again to dig the pit and removed another 20 tons of stuff. The pit is ENORMOUS! And it slopes. I know it slopes because I can climb out of one end and not out of the other. Mike the Base will presumably fix this – if not, the water will slope…. Because of the heavy clay the pit is already filling up. Another couple of weeks and I’ll be swimming in it …
Weirdly, no rubble this time. At least, not until Darren got to the trenches (drainage and electrics) when suddenly all the rubble reappeared. Result: Not neat little trenches, but socking great craters. And rubble all over the bit we had cleared last weekend. Weep? Of course not. Drink? Absolutely. It was another long physical day - I’m going to need this pool to revive my aching muscles! And it was my birthday….. helluva way to spend it – up to my knees in mud and dead bricks. Actually, it was very exciting and I can’t think of many better ways to spend a birthday!
Ok – lazing on a Caribbean beach with £4m in the bank and a long cooling cocktail would beat it….
My two lovely bosses at work gave me my birthday presents on Friday – a long piece of foam rubber and a plastic inflatable pool chair! Brill pressies or what? Except that I didn’t know what the foam rubber thing was – apparently it’s called a water log, and you can float on it, use it for aerobics and Generally Have Fun With It. This is great – I’m getting pressies for a pool I haven’t got yet!!!
Actually, I jumped the gun on buying pressies for the pool too – I bought four acrylic wine goblets so that we can laze in the pool with a glass of something … I think ‘goblet’ is bigger than ‘glass’. Terrible shame….
Total hours worked: another 9 hours solid physical labour. Am thinking of calling it a gym and charging people to join.
Achieved: Huge pit dug, 20 tons of rubbish removed, two trenches, bigger piles of rubble. Like a girl needs rubble…
Actions resulting from state of thinking constantly about pool: Probably will never be given red roses again; haircut from hell.
Pressies and Purchases: Fab water log, technicolor floaty chair, 4 acrylic wine goblets, Do-It-Yourself flip flops and a bag of microwave popcorn.
Wine consumed: 4 bottles. Well, it was my birthday. And the wine goblets needed testing. Yep – they really do hold half a bottle each….
Weirdly, no rubble this time. At least, not until Darren got to the trenches (drainage and electrics) when suddenly all the rubble reappeared. Result: Not neat little trenches, but socking great craters. And rubble all over the bit we had cleared last weekend. Weep? Of course not. Drink? Absolutely. It was another long physical day - I’m going to need this pool to revive my aching muscles! And it was my birthday….. helluva way to spend it – up to my knees in mud and dead bricks. Actually, it was very exciting and I can’t think of many better ways to spend a birthday!
Ok – lazing on a Caribbean beach with £4m in the bank and a long cooling cocktail would beat it….
My two lovely bosses at work gave me my birthday presents on Friday – a long piece of foam rubber and a plastic inflatable pool chair! Brill pressies or what? Except that I didn’t know what the foam rubber thing was – apparently it’s called a water log, and you can float on it, use it for aerobics and Generally Have Fun With It. This is great – I’m getting pressies for a pool I haven’t got yet!!!
Actually, I jumped the gun on buying pressies for the pool too – I bought four acrylic wine goblets so that we can laze in the pool with a glass of something … I think ‘goblet’ is bigger than ‘glass’. Terrible shame….
Total hours worked: another 9 hours solid physical labour. Am thinking of calling it a gym and charging people to join.
Achieved: Huge pit dug, 20 tons of rubbish removed, two trenches, bigger piles of rubble. Like a girl needs rubble…
Actions resulting from state of thinking constantly about pool: Probably will never be given red roses again; haircut from hell.
Pressies and Purchases: Fab water log, technicolor floaty chair, 4 acrylic wine goblets, Do-It-Yourself flip flops and a bag of microwave popcorn.
Wine consumed: 4 bottles. Well, it was my birthday. And the wine goblets needed testing. Yep – they really do hold half a bottle each….
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