Sarah and Guy Build a Swimming Pool

Interesting start to the week!  I leave for work at 8 as usual, drive 2 minutes up the road and then notice in my rear view mirror that I have forgotten to put any makeup on.   This concerns me because (1) it is worrying that I am peering at my face in the rear view mirror instead of looking where I’m going and (2) it is also worrying that I appear incapable of getting up properly.  Make mental note to check outfit in mirror before leaving house in future in case I forget to get out of my pyjamas.  Weigh up the pros and cons of continuing to work (‘it’s the natural look’ versus ‘are you sure you’re OK – you look terrible’) turn round and go back home again. Meet the builders who are unexpectedly just arriving and leaving but they say Mike the Base wants to speak to me about the trenches.  I ring Mike the Base.  He says the electricity trench is in the way of his base and needs to be filled in, and the drainage trench is too short and needs to be dug...

This promises to be a very dull week. Mike the Base won’t be back until Friday, and until then, nothing happens… Tuesday, 11.45am. Mike the base phones me at work. ‘the boys are going to go and do the wall at 1 o’clock. Is the house open?’ Of course it is - I’m in the habit of going to work and leaving the entire house unlocked…. I hurtle home at 12.30 (thanking God for flexi time and sympathetic work colleagues)… The boys are already there when I arrive. I point out that the pit wall needs to be lined up – all the other dimensions come off this wall, and it is absolutely critical that it is in the right place. They’ve just been told to ‘build a wall’. Still, it’s ok, Darren the Digger allowed 18” either side of the pit, and a foot at each end. The boys place two blocks and start measuring. The pit is too small. TOO BLOODY SMALL!!! 42 tons of rubble and crap and it’s TOO SMALL!! I absolutely cannot believe it, and insist they use the other side of the measuring tape. STILL TOO SMALL!...

The week started well enough with another package from Endless Pools! I like these people – they keep sending me pressies! Unexpected package contained a CD version of their web site and a pair of goggles. I thought they were ‘wear before drilling concrete to protect your eyes’ sort of goggles, but a closer inspection revealed they were in fact swimming goggles! Excellent – now I have flip flops, goggles, a water log and an inflatable chair… All I need is the pool… Mike the Base phoned to say he wouldn’t be coming until the end of next week…. And everything came to a grinding halt. Massive thunderstorm threatened to bring down the sides of the pit – and filled it with 8” of filthy water. With creepy crawlies swimming in it….. Was much boosted by the news on the radio early in the week. Electricity is going up by 25%. Water prices are going up by 50%. So what am I doing? Yep – putting in an electrically heated swimming pool. Marvellous. Also an article in the paper saying that if yo...

At the beginning of the week my ‘New Pool Owners Pack’ arrived from the US! Fab – this means I am a New Pool Owner! Hard to believe when there’s just a revolting rubble wall and a flat space, but I am officially a New Pool Owner. Cracking pack of goodies – big scary manual, videos on installation, DVD on something or other, swatches of colours for covers and liners, lump of aluminium coping (make an excellent doorstop) and, best of all a pair of flip flops printed with ‘Some Assembly Required’ and a packet of popcorn. Excellent – these are My Kind Of People! Naturally I ignored all the techy stuff and (a) played with the flip flops, (b) investigated the popcorn. There was also a small disposable camera in the New Pool Owners Pack with a return padded envelope to the US. Having skipped reading the techy stuff, I presume I am meant to take pics of the pool being installed and send it back to the US. Either that or they want nice photos of me and the cats….. On Wednesday Mike the Base ...

Phew! I guess I made the mistake of thinking it would be easy…. First of all the old terrace had to be removed. Picked all the slabs off then demolished the wall – very good for removing frustrations! Apart from the bottom line which had obviously been superglued to the ground. On Saturday Darren the Digger came – a wonderful bloke with a dinky little digger. He arrived before the skip did, so couldn’t really get started, although he did, with two nudges of his digger, remove the entire bottom line of stone that I hadn’t been able to shift. Then the skip turned up. I had already warned my neighbours at the end of the lane that a few people would need to turn round down there, so the skip man went along the lane. He seemed to be taking an awfully long time to come back, and then we heard the sound of sawing. He had knocked a tree down. Not only that, but when he needed to turn round, the neighbours (Dave and Lynne) saw him and said ‘we’ll nip out ahead of you our dog is sick we h...